I was reviewing some of my recent posts, and I noticed a tone to my writing that I didn't like. A tone of superiority that I think I used to keep the world at arm's length. I can look into my heart and see where we need to go, but its a place we can't get to from here, if I continue to need that distance.
A good friend reminded me tonight that effective writing requires vulnerability. That's a tough one for me. It's far easier to hide behind my intelligence and five dollar words and throw out a flurry of words that deflects most people's interest. But that's not what I'm writing for, so here goes...
A vulnerability: for as long as I can remember, I have sought the pain-free life. I developed a pathological avoidance of risk, and I was stubborn enough to actually engineer a life that was largely devoid of risk. I take the "safe/good enough" route most of the time. The nice thing about the girl I married is that she doesn't buy that...it's not what she married me for, and she's not one to settle. I still don't know how I managed to win her heart, after all I always felt safest when I was alone.
A pain-free life is a fallacy, and its not why God put us on this earth. Some of the things I write might hurt your feelings or mine. Some of the boxes I'm opening scare me on a terrible level. But I have a new dream now, and it requires open boxes...After all, I have to put something new in these boxes, this old stuff simply won't do.
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I can tell this post took some guts to write. I know it isn't easy to conquer bad habits and transform yourself by creating new ones... but it's like you've said: that's what we're all here to do and it is so worth it.
ReplyDeleteI'm really proud of you for challenging yourself so much and I want to support you as you open your boxes. I can relate because that's what I've been doing in therapy. Except I'm not as brave as you are: I'm not comfortable putting my feelings & experiences on a blog - but if it works for you that's great. I can tell you that your writing is helping at least one person besides you: me!
Wow, what a big step! I am going to try to be more like you in opening up...let's be honest, I hide behind the cool pictures I put on my blog :) I'm excited to read your upcoming posts!
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ReplyDeleteI haven't read your older posts (yet), but I too have been known to use a tone of superiority. I believe it's a normal part of the human condition to develop a moral self-righteousness, which facilitates <---(my $5 word) a tone of superiority.
ReplyDeleteI suspect we could all use some moral humility as being 100% for or against something makes it difficult to see the other side of the coin. If stability is "Yin" than "Yang" is change.
Something that has helped me avoid the "tone of superiority" pit fall is I try not to state my opinions or beliefs as fact.
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